I think if this was on Game Show Network, I’d be the winner extraordinaire like Ken Jennings was to Jeopardy. But wait? No, no, no. I‘d be competing on a daily basis, but in The Mental Game, is there really a winner? Am I winning at this?
After a really rough round 3 of chemo, I shared my mental angst with my oncologist and he offered up the option of seeing their oncology psychologist. Didn’t even know this specialty existed. Thank God it does. I was able to do a telehealth visit with her the following week. Another blessing I have to acknowledge while dealing with this crap. If I needed to see a mental health professional for anything else, I’d be searching Google, and waiting weeks if not months to get an appointment.
The psychologist was nice, easy to talk to. I did my usual at appointments, cried through a good chunk of it. I’m struggling so much with being my unbreakable mom/nurse self. I must be there and ready at all times for whomever needs me. (I can’t see the forest through the trees that I’m the one on the *needing* end.) Thats not my role. That’s not how I define myself. I am not needy.
I road tripped with my son this weekend for a one day getaway. I’ve posted nothing on social media. I’m in the ‘how people view me’ rabbit hole. We had a great day but I’m too anxious to share our fun. If i show photos of us zip lining they’ll think “She should be cooking her own damn meals not needing a meal train.” Is that really how people’s minds work? Are they that judgey? I’m def one of those people that fit this bill…there’s 100 people in a room, 99 of them love me and think I’m awesome! 1 doesn’t like me for any given reason. I will perseverate on the one.
My solution to this will be I’ll wait several weeks and then make an update that: we made time for a getaway and did XY and Z.
I highly dislike that I’m using this platform as such a serious and deep, semi negative space. I’m so much more fun and funny and witty than I come across here.
I told an acquaintance today: avoid the rabbit hole, because you are gonna dig like a mother fucker if you can’t keep your personal perception separate from your professional factual self. Who’s calling the kettle black. Good Lord.
Word to the wise, and myself. Avoid the 🐇 🕳.
Blog goal: show my better side. 😂😆🙃🤪🤓😏.
Robyn, those of us that know you, know that you are not 'needy'. You have always put others first and bent over backward to help everyone around you. Now, just for a small amount of time, you are leaning on some of those people to get you through this challenge that life threw at you. We love you and are more than happy to know that there is something we can do to help out. :) Hang in there my friend because if anyone can kick ass and come out on top, it's you my friend. <3 Lisa Housler